WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THESE THINGS?

Yikes, it's been way too long since I've posted. I always hear people say, I wish I had written down some of the things my kids said - and that's exactly what I want to do with this blog! This is a quick story about Tyler. So, Tyler says, I'm going to invent a hand where each finger shoots out something different. The first finger is a light saber the second finger is a cannon the third finger is a proton torpedo the fourth finger is an ion laser and the last finger shoots coconuts. After the rolling on the floor laughing at the very serious child. Why Tyler? Why coconuts? his answer: they would be a distraction, you know for any Hawaiian bad guys. And anyone else who likes coconuts. priceless. Tristan Story to dad: Dad, I know why we have to stay at Nana and Papa's when mommy goes away for the weekend. Because then in the morning, the people at Costco would get to work and say "Where is Steve?" (insert shrugged shoulder and open hand gesture here) and they wouldn't know because you would have to stay home with us. and then the customers would come to intelliBED and say, "Where is Steve?" and you couldn't be there because you're taking care of us. That's why. priceless. Last night - Tristan asked me, as he just lost a tooth - the tooth fairy is very tiny because she needs to fit into this little pocket where my tooth is. yep. absolutely!

MAKING THE MOST OF WHAT I HAVE

I work full time and I also help run our family business. Some may judge me because I work full time when there is a perception that it would be better for my children if I stayed home. I say "may judge me" because I don't really care. I know that I am where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing. There is also a perception that my life is REALLY BUSY. My life is full, yes, but not busy - not out of control. It is fun. There is routine, lots of free play time, some structured time, time for chores and time for family. For my job I coordinate, support and plan events for the BC Cancer Foundation - and I take my children with me when I can. What this job has allowed is my children to be a part of philanthropy first hand. They have experienced a motorcycle ride for prostate cancer and had the opportunity to sit on a police motorcycle (twice). They've run with me in races, driven with me to the edge of town for ice cream, helped me say thank you to hundreds of people for giving their time and energy for cancer research and this has just become a part of their lives. My children have even given their tithe to me for the cancer patients. The most beautiful donation I have yet to receive. I am grateful for my children and for my job and the grace to be a part of both.

ADVICE

My mom used to say... Yes, I have become the mother of repetitive phrases. Praying that some of them stick. "Take a deep breath and take a step back" - this is my answer for anger. The breath gives you a moment to collect yourself and the step back, well, that's because your body seriously wants to do SOMETHING, like hitting the brother, so this gives it something to do; hopefully avoiding the brother, or at least putting you a little out of range, so when you swing, you'll miss. (I try). In addition to that I've had to add a new one - Tyler came home from school and said that anger made you stronger because one of the kids at school (sigh), had stronger muscles when he was angry. so.... "Control makes you stronger than anger". Thank God for Tae Kwon Do and Master Smith - the perfect example. Does Master Smith stay in control? yes. Is he the strongest person ever? yes. Think about it. Well, that should hold them until they watch the HULK. This next one ties into the but-the-kids-at-school hubbledeefubble. "At the end of the day - you have to look YOURself in the mirror". Whatever the others do, wrong or right, you have to make your own choices and YOU have to live with them. This is a new one, but I don't think it will be the last time I say it. They are starting to make their own choices but I can only give my children tools to handle situations, to make good decisions, and to discern right/wrong. One I haven't used yet but I firmly believe in: "be thrifty with things and generous with people.

TYLER'S SCHOOL

So Tyler has ideas of starting schools - whatever is most interesting to him at the moment, he will start a school for that. The first one was a construction school for 4 year olds (he was 5 at the time). He would teach them every Saturday to build bridges, but don't worry mommy, he said, we'll start with something easy - just a suspension bridge. As we are currently in a nerf-gun phase of a young boy's life - Tyler is going to set up a bullet dodging school. So he made up what you are called at every level of your training... Level one: first day-er Level two: beginner level three: dodger Level four: Better level five: end-er level six: end-er plus

PARENTHOOD

My letter to a friend It is so awesome to see how excited you are to be a parent and I believe you will be a most awesome father. I am giving you unsolicited advice. Get quiet and really let God prepare you for this – having a child will teach you in a way you can’t imagine about God’s love for you (I seriously don’t know how God didn’t wipe out mankind after the first slash on Jesus’ back) and for that fact alone it is worth it. You will never agin be able to say “I just want to…” or “my plan is to…” or anything that starts with “me” or “I”. Every trial and hardship is magnified one hundredfold because you are responsible for someone incapable of being responsible for themselves. They will always want to be fed – especially when you want to go in a corner and cry. You will never get to feel sorry for yourself again – ever – you can’t – it is no longer allowable, not even once. You will be pushed to your limit physically, mentally and spiritually and every day you have to be one step ahead. You do not get to relax or you will fail. This is harsh – parenting is harsh – it is forever – it is serious and requires a level of selflessness and faith that I never thought possible. You will see yourself imbedded in another person – all your faults and quirks in full force without the years of softening and you can see the pain and trials this will bring to another through no fault of their own but rather by genetic design and the choices YOU have made for them. Your choices now affects someone else directly and your mistakes are open wounds on an innocent face. You will never be “ready” to have children – you will only be ready to be obedient to God – ask Him to show you His ways and teach you his paths. They will; however, fetch the remote control for you.

GHOSTS???

Do you believe in ghosts? Honestly – when it comes right down to it – what do you really feel about this? My youngest told me this morning that he saw a shadow that looked kind of like me walking across the room and then disappeared. It wasn’t a shadow from the window or in the closet – it was like “something that walks a few steps and then disappears” Wow – the child can’t lie – he isn’t delirious – it was 6am and dark outside and he had just snuggled himself in our bed but he was awake. What do you think then when your child believes. Me, I have a healthy respect for the spirit world and believe that our battle isn’t against flesh and blood… Still, Prayed the blood of Jesus Christ over my house let me tell you…

NUMBERS

It's all about the numbers right now. Tyler is 6 and loves loves loves the numbers. Time is now 60 seconds is one minute and minutes to hours. We count down days. At night Steve and Tyler do math at the table, thinking up equasions to trick each other. They are on division right now and a little bit of algebra. We are a bit totally way past 2 boys plus 3 girls equals 5 children. It's more like 500 dump trucks plus how many bulldozers equals 962 pieces of equipment? Yesterday Tyler got on the scale and informed us that he weighs 50 pounds! and then he got really excited and as he put it - now I'm halfway to mommy's weight. Dead silence in the house until my very handsome and wise husband said "yes, that's absolutely correct Tyler". Yah, he's totally my favourite son right now!

On a very rainy April 26, 2012 (Hope this is the end - they only have 1 pair of socks left without holes in them!) and Steve is walking with Tristan into the Dayhome and this is their conversation: "Look daddy,a worm" take a step "Look daddy, a worm" take a step (repeat) (repeat) (repeat) (repeat)

LEGACY

The continuance of family has been made so clear to me this week. How life repeats itself and how vital family is. I found myself at the beginning of this week out for coffee with my father and had a wonderful time - the only wonderful type of time you can have with someone who knows you inside out and where you don't have to say everything you're thinking but you want to and it's full of comfort and love. Later this week I found myself sitting across the coffee shop table from my son - with the same wonderful time and the same comfort and love.

I remember my grandfather waiting in the car in the church parking lot after church waiting for my grandmother. I also remember my father waiting in the same church parking lot, napping or praying the car waiting for me to finish my youth event so he could drive me home. And on Tuesday night I waited in the church lobby for my son while he was at a church event having a delightful time! I guess it's my turn to drive and wait and pray and I will do so with joy and ferverent prayers and lots and lots of love that I have from generations of loving parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles. thank you all for such a legacy.

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

I’m not sure if this makes me super-mom or super-pathetic-sneaky mom. It might explain; however, the times my children don’t sleep well through the night. I confess: I do things to my children when they are asleep. Yep, it started when my firstborn was a baby. I used to cut his nails when he was asleep. No twitching, no screaming and just like that the task was done. Phew! Actually I still cut my youngest son’s toenails while he sleeps. He absolutely WILL NOT let me cut them and will kick and scream and this is from the designated easy-going child, so, I wait until he is asleep and snip snip snip, all done.

I’ve cut their hair too while they slept. Just the eldest’s though – he’s the twitchy one in that respect, not, like the whole head, but just a few straggly pieces that otherwise would have been a battle from the dark side to accomplish.

I got caught though once. When my children were 4 and 6, they were running along the boardwalk and came home that night with tiny little wooden slivers in the bottoms of their feet that they wouldn’t let me pull out. So, after they were fast asleep, I snuck in and, armed with a little flashlight between my teeth and the tweezers in one hand and an iron grip on their little feet with the other I set about extracting the little itchy slivers. My husband peaked in at one point; started to say something, and then just turned around and walked away. Smart man. A while later when the eldest got another sliver in his foot and when I said we should take it out, his reply was “no, that’s okay, God will take it out while I sleep.” Um, okay. Thanks God for taking the rap on that one!

Ah, my adorable little squiggly kids. I’m sorry for your dreams of someone tickling your toes in the middle of the night but thank you for your patience in allowing all those other unpleasant tasks to take place during the daylight hours – I can’t even imagine how I would wash your hair…

2011

in 2011 my husband had a seizure which was later to be discovered as a brain tumour. How do you explain that to the boys? We told them daddy was sick and had to be in the hospital for a few days. At one point Tyler built an MRI machine from the train table and blocks and ropes and a whole bunch of other toys to take photos of daddy's head. It's not that I'm putting the boy in a box but um, it's safe to say Tyler has "engineer" type qualities! I'm glad Tristan was only 3 when this happened because he wasn't really old enough to process some of the events that went on. in December Steve went for surgery and that was harder for the boys because he was away from home longer - and when Steve got home he slept a lot. But he is fine and his energy is growing and the boys are getting their dad back. There is nothing like children to force you to focus and move on. I remember the day after Steve's seizure when we didn't know what was going on and Tristan looked at me and said "I'm hungry". My first thought was how dare you bother me with trivial things when my world is collapsing and then I looked closer at him and realized that my world is every little thing around me and God is at the centre saying TRUST ME. and I did and we at only peanut butter and honey sandwiches but the world went on and we smiled and laughed and God is faithful

BABY BOOK

I have done my best as a dutiful mother to fill out each line of the boys’ baby books. I watched intently to record the first step and the first laugh but think that there are a few very important milestones missing from your average baby book:

1. First burp
2. First time grandpa has to change a poopy diaper
3. First time someone says or does something to your first born that you don’t approve of and that “Mother Bear” instinct comes to you and you literally feel like ripping that person to shreds
4. First time they are big enough that you can give them a real proper two-arm hug and they hug you back
5. First time they pee in a public toilet
6. First time they pee on your neighbour’s tree
7. First time they pee off your deck (onto your parents’ car)
8. First time baby sleeps soundly in the arms of bachelor friend
9. First time you put the TP roll back on the actual toilet paper roll instead of hidden up in the cupboard so the children don’t roll it down the hallway
10. First time you wash their bed sheets because, well, it’s probably time, not because they spit up, or puked, or peed on them
11. First time they say, yeah broccoli!!!
12. First time they wear the same pair of pants 2 days in a row – not because it’s laundry day and there is nothing else to wear, but because they are still clean!
13. First time you realize they are going to do okay as a Canadian when they apologize for something they really didn’t do wrong
14. First time you leave the house with an absolutely clean shirt, even on the left-hand shoulder
15. First time they get your martini just right!

HOSPITALS ARE SO COOL!!!

How do you bring your children through a tragic and scary situation? A friend of mine had to explain to her three year old daughter that her grandmother died very suddenly and her daughter accepted the fact and when they go visit the grave, looks up, waves goodbye to heaven and says, “bye Grandma, I love you”. It is amazing to me how honest and practical children are with sickness and death.

Recently my husband needed to be hospitalized and I had to find a way to explain to the boys what happened. I am pleased that when the ambulance came the 4 year old was still sleeping so he doesn’t remember the experience and my 3 year old is still young enough to be totally excited to see an ambulance and paramedics – gotta love the simple joys of the young. My husband is fine but when I asked my 4 year old to pray with me to help Daddy get better he said he wouldn’t. That completely shocked me, but knowing my son, I asked him why. He said because sometimes he wanted to go to visit the hospital to visit daddy and say goodnight. What a lesson in seeing the treasure in the trial. There was no concern how everything would work out or stress about the situation, all they saw were the dazzling flashing lights of the rescue vehicles and the fun buttons and equipment of the hospital. I am listening my sweet young children, teach me, oh teach me.

TOAST

Did you know you can cut a piece of toast the wrong way? I cut the toast into triangles when they were supposed to be in squares. That was my mistake last night with my 2 year old (who is just turning 3 this month!). A couple of years ago, for child #1 (when HE was 2 years old) I cut his piece of toast in half instead of leaving it whole. Oops. The world ended that day, sorry about that. You would think that after 4 years I would be getting better at cutting toast. I tried the “let’s glue the piece back together with jam” angle. Nope, that didn’t work. The only thing I didn’t do was make a whole new piece of toast. It might sound cruel, but all I could see was a future of making things over and over again because of a tired little tenacious child.

I feel like I am a bundle of blunders and mistakes, trying to keep up with the latest wish of the gods! You know, doing something for them when they can “DO IT MYSELF!!!”, or serving them cheese strings instead of cheese slices. Maybe my children are ubber-picky but I’m trying to find a balance between serving them and being their servant. I even built the train track wrong – it was supposed to be BIGGER, or was it supposed to be longer…sigh. Good thing my self-confidence doesn’t rest on the whims of little boys.

So, as I endeavor to improve on my toast cutting and train-track building and wish my new little 3 year old a Happy Birthday– I’m going to try my best not to tick you off this year and pray you do the same for me -- Love, your (longsuffering) mother.

POTTY TRAINING

So, I’m talking to my girlfriend on the phone and all of the sudden I smell something very poopy and the 2 year old is nowhere to be found. Normally this is just yucky, but we have begun potty training, so this is verging on disaster. I hang up, obviously, and start the search for the little guy. I find him. He is sitting on the toilet. All by himself. Alone. “So” I ask him “how’s it going?” He replies “good. I’m pooping”. Awesome! Overjoyed is a mild statement. Now, he’s not completely there yet, but what a great start!

Now, with the other one, I didn’t even start until he was, like, 3 ¾. Honestly, I wasn’t ready. All I ever heard were horror stories from people (like they were trying to trump their birthing stories or something) about how this was the worst part of bringing up children, or it took them a year of constant battles. No way. So I waited. We did the “train your kid in a day” program and it worked pretty good – but I’m glad I waited with him – he is unbribable. Seriously. How do you potty train a child that cannot be bribed? The second one – well, he’d do almost anything for a jelly bean so that has totally helped the potty training I think. The first one, if you tell him that if he gets out of bed again I’ll have to take his teddy away, and he has decided to get out of bed again he’ll come to me and hand me the teddy. Sigh. I’m glad I waited with the first one and didn’t create a horror story of potty training and I’m proud of my 2.5 year old for starting the process and making little victories every day.

I’m also proud of myself (and we parents need to say that to ourselves more) that I’m learning how to teach my children in their different ways. Ironically, although I don’t have to carry diapers, I do carry an extra change of clothing, just in case, and my purse just got bigger…

MY HEART STOPS

My boys continually amaze me as they grow and change, which I love. However, it is the constantness of change that is sometimes exhausting. On the one hand, it’s great because it keeps me on my toes, but on the other hand just when I think I have one of them figured out, he stuns me by doing something completely unexpected. Just the other day my four year old, for the first time in a long time, actually didn’t stop before a cross walk, he just kept running straight across – I almost fainted. On another day not too long after that, my two year old, who rarely strays more than a few feet from my side, ran straight away from me as fast as could be. This time not across a busy road but straight to a garbage can to put his cracker package away (one point for cleanliness, minus 500 points for the shock to my system). I actually stopped the nearest mother at the water park to tell her what just happened, just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

So when do I take them aside to go over the rules (again) and when do I let them run and hope they stay safe on their own? I wish there was a book that told me all the answers, but in the end probably following my instincts will prove best. That, and secretly watch what other mothers are doing – so if I’m watching you, I’m not judging you. Oh no, I’m learning from you – so thanks.

Now with all that said, what the heck is it with them having to stand right ON my feet?!

NUTRITION 101

Nutrition 101

Nutrition will, I believe, always be a challenge for anyone who feeds a family. My little family has a number of strikes against us.

(1) I am the primary food provider and I don’t like to cook. Bake yes. Cook no. What this means is that my kids eat a great breakfast and a wonderful muffin for snack and the rest is a bit sketchy.
(2) I am a vegetarian. The rest are not. Meat, even when cooked yucks me out. I’m working on this.
(3) The 4 year old is in the very picky stage and the only fruit he will eat is raspberries – not MIXED berries, no no no, only raspberries. Oh ya, and pasta – with ketchup only. The 2 year old will eat most of anything. Mostly. But rarely will all three (son #1, son #2, dad) eat the same thing on the same night. Sigh.
(4) Did I mention that cooking does nothing for my joy of life?

So, I took some steps and endeavor to plan my menu every week now – try to get at least yogurt and raspberries and brown rice down their throats every week and try not to count the number of cinnamon toast sandwiches we’ve had in one day! (Is Mr. Christy a food group???) I’ve done all the tricks – added veggies to pasta sauce, cut up healthy stuff using fun shaped cookie cutters – bribed them with, well, unhealthy food (oops – that one back fired). Anyways, we are not doing too badly and I think I’m just encouraging one of them to pursue a career as a chef, even if it’s just for the survival of family.

Sigh, well, they’ll always love my French toast…

MY PEEPS

I find between work and kids, and more work and more kids that I seem to get “out” about once a month. You know – with adults (only) at establishments that don’t sell Kool-Aid. And I’m okay with that. I have a new business and 2 little boys, so this season of my life is filled with these wonderful blessings. But I cherish oh so deeply when I do get a night out.

First of all, the night out requires a special arrangement of babysitters, coverage from work activities and of course, keeping things even. You know, with the husband. If I get a few hours “out” so does he – so really, I’m trying to coordinate 6 hours of freedom. When the stars align, the coordinating is done, I find myself out driving alone to tunes that don’t rhyme with silly or noodle, ordering food that is actually still hot when I get to eat it and buying a drink that I don’t have to share with anyone or that someone hasn’t tested by putting their little fingers in. At this time, I sometimes find that I am speechless and just sit back to enjoy the company - and then I realize that I am so unprepared for the night’s conversation. Someone mentioned there was a new movie out – I’m still trying to remember which Backyardigan is Tasha and which one is Tyrone! People are using big words and sentences that don’t start with “mommy” or “I gotta tell you something” or “I need you” and the jokes are terribly inappropriate and everything is funny to me and lovely because it’s not about me or someone wanting me or needing me to do anything for them – it’s just a night “out”. So thanks to all my peeps for making this month’s night out worth every effort.

BAND OF BROTHERS

When we moved to our new home here in the Okanagan, the youngest boy was still a baby so his crib ended up in with us and the eldest got his own room. Not any more. The little one is growing up and the crib was officially moved into the same room as his big brother - at the wish of the big brother actually.

As the realization that my little baby was growing up, I cried and cried. Nah. Just kidding. I totally celebrated - every step towards independence is a joyful milestone in my books. The other reason for my celebration is the growing bond between brothers. I used to watch super nanny when I was pregnant so I could hopefully avoid some big parenting pitfalls and I remember what she did for one family that had 5 boys - she created a slogan for them “brothers forever”, and the boys took to it like militia.

I have an older sister and she is one of the most important people to me and I hope and pray that my boys will find that same type of soul mate in each other. Someone who will be there for them without thinking whether they can or not, someone who will fight with them and for them and someone who will remind them that it’s their mother’s birthday and to get her something really nice this year.

That the 4 year old wants the 2 year old in his room and is fully prepared to call it a joint room and that the 2 year old is okay with leaving mommy and daddy’s room to join his older brother is excellent - that they may take an extra 2 hours to fall asleep each night is something I’m willing to deal with in the battle for brotherhood. “we few, we happy few, we band of brothers” (Henry V, Shakespeare).

CANDY GIRL

I love candy. There, I said it. And not just your standard chocolate bar from the local gas station. I mean the “take me back to being a kid” kind of candy. Mo Jo’s, Tootsie Rolls, Bottle Caps and gummy worms – the stuff that put a smile on your face and brought a sigh from your mom.

As an adult, what is a candy girl to do? Enter: the new British Invasion Sweets & Goods store in Peachland. They have been open only a short time, and I am already a fan. Wandering around the store, I realized that candy has played a surprisingly important role in my life.

I mark my first pregnancy by all of the tootsie rolls that I ate. For the second pregnancy, it was hundreds of those little red coke bottle gummy candies. Long red Twizzler licorice got me through a lot of late night/early morning nursings, and to this day remains my stock and default candy of choice.

Mo Jo’s were my first lesson in economics. I remember when they went from 1 cent each to 2 cents each. Ouch. When you only have 25 cents - that’s a big cut of the pot. My first smoke was with the package of fake gum candy cigarettes (but only until my father found them). When my sister and I played together, taffy was our store’s monetary system. We also could not get enough of the Lick-a-Stick packages – which we substituted with jello sugar when we ran out of the powder. Slurpees got me through High School and I still love mint candy, possibly because I think I’m eating something vaguely healthful. I also love jelly belly’s and anything caramel. One of my favourites is the red box of McIntosh caramel toffee. Sometimes when I visit my mom, I still search through her baking cupboard for any stray boxes she’s saving for some special dessert.

I have even started to bring up my children in the way of the candy. On our last visit to the British Invasion store (it is helpful that it’s right across from a park), my 2 year old picked up a piece of individually wrapped bubble gum and promptly chomped down on it, package and all. I guess a lesson in unwrapping candy first is in order, and yes, we added it to our purchase. Since he is too young for bubble gum, I took it upon myself to ensure it did not go to waste. It has been a fierce number of years since I have actually had pink yummy bubble gum and it was awesome!

So here’s to candy, childhood memories and a new generation of candy connoisseurs!