I have done my best as a dutiful mother to fill out each line of the boys’ baby books. I watched intently to record the first step and the first laugh but think that there are a few very important milestones missing from your average baby book:
1. First burp
2. First time grandpa has to change a poopy diaper
3. First time someone says or does something to your first born that you don’t approve of and that “Mother Bear” instinct comes to you and you literally feel like ripping that person to shreds
4. First time they are big enough that you can give them a real proper two-arm hug and they hug you back
5. First time they pee in a public toilet
6. First time they pee on your neighbour’s tree
7. First time they pee off your deck (onto your parents’ car)
8. First time baby sleeps soundly in the arms of bachelor friend
9. First time you put the TP roll back on the actual toilet paper roll instead of hidden up in the cupboard so the children don’t roll it down the hallway
10. First time you wash their bed sheets because, well, it’s probably time, not because they spit up, or puked, or peed on them
11. First time they say, yeah broccoli!!!
12. First time they wear the same pair of pants 2 days in a row – not because it’s laundry day and there is nothing else to wear, but because they are still clean!
13. First time you realize they are going to do okay as a Canadian when they apologize for something they really didn’t do wrong
14. First time you leave the house with an absolutely clean shirt, even on the left-hand shoulder
15. First time they get your martini just right!
