Monday, August 30, 2010

MY HEART STOPS

My boys continually amaze me as they grow and change, which I love. However, it is the constantness of change that is sometimes exhausting. On the one hand, it’s great because it keeps me on my toes, but on the other hand just when I think I have one of them figured out, he stuns me by doing something completely unexpected. Just the other day my four year old, for the first time in a long time, actually didn’t stop before a cross walk, he just kept running straight across – I almost fainted. On another day not too long after that, my two year old, who rarely strays more than a few feet from my side, ran straight away from me as fast as could be. This time not across a busy road but straight to a garbage can to put his cracker package away (one point for cleanliness, minus 500 points for the shock to my system). I actually stopped the nearest mother at the water park to tell her what just happened, just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

So when do I take them aside to go over the rules (again) and when do I let them run and hope they stay safe on their own? I wish there was a book that told me all the answers, but in the end probably following my instincts will prove best. That, and secretly watch what other mothers are doing – so if I’m watching you, I’m not judging you. Oh no, I’m learning from you – so thanks.

Now with all that said, what the heck is it with them having to stand right ON my feet?!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

NUTRITION 101

Nutrition 101

Nutrition will, I believe, always be a challenge for anyone who feeds a family. My little family has a number of strikes against us.

(1) I am the primary food provider and I don’t like to cook. Bake yes. Cook no. What this means is that my kids eat a great breakfast and a wonderful muffin for snack and the rest is a bit sketchy.
(2) I am a vegetarian. The rest are not. Meat, even when cooked yucks me out. I’m working on this.
(3) The 4 year old is in the very picky stage and the only fruit he will eat is raspberries – not MIXED berries, no no no, only raspberries. Oh ya, and pasta – with ketchup only. The 2 year old will eat most of anything. Mostly. But rarely will all three (son #1, son #2, dad) eat the same thing on the same night. Sigh.
(4) Did I mention that cooking does nothing for my joy of life?

So, I took some steps and endeavor to plan my menu every week now – try to get at least yogurt and raspberries and brown rice down their throats every week and try not to count the number of cinnamon toast sandwiches we’ve had in one day! (Is Mr. Christy a food group???) I’ve done all the tricks – added veggies to pasta sauce, cut up healthy stuff using fun shaped cookie cutters – bribed them with, well, unhealthy food (oops – that one back fired). Anyways, we are not doing too badly and I think I’m just encouraging one of them to pursue a career as a chef, even if it’s just for the survival of family.

Sigh, well, they’ll always love my French toast…

MY PEEPS

I find between work and kids, and more work and more kids that I seem to get “out” about once a month. You know – with adults (only) at establishments that don’t sell Kool-Aid. And I’m okay with that. I have a new business and 2 little boys, so this season of my life is filled with these wonderful blessings. But I cherish oh so deeply when I do get a night out.

First of all, the night out requires a special arrangement of babysitters, coverage from work activities and of course, keeping things even. You know, with the husband. If I get a few hours “out” so does he – so really, I’m trying to coordinate 6 hours of freedom. When the stars align, the coordinating is done, I find myself out driving alone to tunes that don’t rhyme with silly or noodle, ordering food that is actually still hot when I get to eat it and buying a drink that I don’t have to share with anyone or that someone hasn’t tested by putting their little fingers in. At this time, I sometimes find that I am speechless and just sit back to enjoy the company - and then I realize that I am so unprepared for the night’s conversation. Someone mentioned there was a new movie out – I’m still trying to remember which Backyardigan is Tasha and which one is Tyrone! People are using big words and sentences that don’t start with “mommy” or “I gotta tell you something” or “I need you” and the jokes are terribly inappropriate and everything is funny to me and lovely because it’s not about me or someone wanting me or needing me to do anything for them – it’s just a night “out”. So thanks to all my peeps for making this month’s night out worth every effort.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

BAND OF BROTHERS

When we moved to our new home here in the Okanagan, the youngest boy was still a baby so his crib ended up in with us and the eldest got his own room. Not any more. The little one is growing up and the crib was officially moved into the same room as his big brother - at the wish of the big brother actually.

As the realization that my little baby was growing up, I cried and cried. Nah. Just kidding. I totally celebrated - every step towards independence is a joyful milestone in my books. The other reason for my celebration is the growing bond between brothers. I used to watch super nanny when I was pregnant so I could hopefully avoid some big parenting pitfalls and I remember what she did for one family that had 5 boys - she created a slogan for them “brothers forever”, and the boys took to it like militia.

I have an older sister and she is one of the most important people to me and I hope and pray that my boys will find that same type of soul mate in each other. Someone who will be there for them without thinking whether they can or not, someone who will fight with them and for them and someone who will remind them that it’s their mother’s birthday and to get her something really nice this year.

That the 4 year old wants the 2 year old in his room and is fully prepared to call it a joint room and that the 2 year old is okay with leaving mommy and daddy’s room to join his older brother is excellent - that they may take an extra 2 hours to fall asleep each night is something I’m willing to deal with in the battle for brotherhood. “we few, we happy few, we band of brothers” (Henry V, Shakespeare).

CANDY GIRL

I love candy. There, I said it. And not just your standard chocolate bar from the local gas station. I mean the “take me back to being a kid” kind of candy. Mo Jo’s, Tootsie Rolls, Bottle Caps and gummy worms – the stuff that put a smile on your face and brought a sigh from your mom.

As an adult, what is a candy girl to do? Enter: the new British Invasion Sweets & Goods store in Peachland. They have been open only a short time, and I am already a fan. Wandering around the store, I realized that candy has played a surprisingly important role in my life.

I mark my first pregnancy by all of the tootsie rolls that I ate. For the second pregnancy, it was hundreds of those little red coke bottle gummy candies. Long red Twizzler licorice got me through a lot of late night/early morning nursings, and to this day remains my stock and default candy of choice.

Mo Jo’s were my first lesson in economics. I remember when they went from 1 cent each to 2 cents each. Ouch. When you only have 25 cents - that’s a big cut of the pot. My first smoke was with the package of fake gum candy cigarettes (but only until my father found them). When my sister and I played together, taffy was our store’s monetary system. We also could not get enough of the Lick-a-Stick packages – which we substituted with jello sugar when we ran out of the powder. Slurpees got me through High School and I still love mint candy, possibly because I think I’m eating something vaguely healthful. I also love jelly belly’s and anything caramel. One of my favourites is the red box of McIntosh caramel toffee. Sometimes when I visit my mom, I still search through her baking cupboard for any stray boxes she’s saving for some special dessert.

I have even started to bring up my children in the way of the candy. On our last visit to the British Invasion store (it is helpful that it’s right across from a park), my 2 year old picked up a piece of individually wrapped bubble gum and promptly chomped down on it, package and all. I guess a lesson in unwrapping candy first is in order, and yes, we added it to our purchase. Since he is too young for bubble gum, I took it upon myself to ensure it did not go to waste. It has been a fierce number of years since I have actually had pink yummy bubble gum and it was awesome!

So here’s to candy, childhood memories and a new generation of candy connoisseurs!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

CHAT ABOUT IT

I do like to talk about subjects other than my children, but sometimes it’s nice to sit down with another mother to swap stories and commiserate about our lives and our families. I have found that even if her situation is seemingly worse than mine, there is always empathy, never pity and generally lots of laughter.

One of the never-ending topics is sleep. Every book and every person says something different. At the beginning I read everything I could about getting my son to sleep, keeping him asleep, blah blah blah. The information was as exhausting and confusing as the boy himself. The tiredness that came from that first year is different than anything I’ve ever felt, it’s like a weariness that starts in your core and just radiates through your body. Of course it is getting better, but I cherish every little bit of sleep so much more now for that experience.

So a friend of mine and I had a wonderful talk about our children and their sleeping habits and how they are keeping us up at different times of the night. Her son is generally pretty good but their daughter still keeps them up until 2am or later some days. My eldest does pretty well and sleeps most nights through and the youngest has recently vacated our bed and, barring the occasional nightmare, has been sleeping; well, like a baby. It was nice to find someone in a similar situation where we could be an encouragement to each other.

The only difference is my children are 2 and 4 and her children are 19 and 21. Sigh. Someone tell me there is a break somewhere in there where I DO get some sleep?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

MEMORIES

Do you have a memory from your childhood that is so random and seemingly unworthy to be remembered but it is solid and fast in your mind, embedded deeply along with the colours and the people and everything about that moment? I have many and I am starting to collect memories of MY children’s childhood that will be just as indelible.

I remember the moment when playing became for real. I remember the exact time when I looked up suddenly in a panic because the house was quiet, the TV was off and the boys were nowhere to be seen – and searching frantically for the damage that was most surely to be done (there is precedence for this feeling of anxiety so I’m not the bad guy here) and low and behold there they are, playing quietly together for over 30 minutes – ALONE. Sweet grace of God.

I will remember when the playing became purposeful and the games and play-acting started to last all day. I know exactly when they started playing together, not just beside each other, but really playing TOGETHER, with themes and processions and roles, and a story and a purpose. When I have a part in the play now, I am only in one act or the narrator or play some other very small part – it is a blessed thing when your children can play independently.

A friend of mine remembers the moment watching her son run – when he stopped running in that awkward toddler gait to a full-out stride of a young boy – a memory the boy will never share but momentous in a mother’s witness to the evolution of her offspring. When she shared that with me, it made me more watchful of the little things – realizing that just because they’ve learned to walk and talk, that there is still so much more, so many more little moments of glory and magnificence if we but take the time to notice!

So, here’s to you and your childhood memories, and another cheers to you and the memories of the stories of your children.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

AM I THE ONLY ONE?

As a mother, sometimes I wonder if I am the only one…
1. Who has 5 items on my grocery list before I’ve finished unpacking my groceries from my current trip?
2. Who wonders where my body went?
3. Who irons my baby clothes?
4. Whose young ones take every opportunity to stick their hands down my shirt?
5. Who can bench press 200 lbs with one arm (the one I hold the baby in) but has tendonitis in the other?
6. Who has called one of the kids by the dog’s name?
7. Who has a hard time switching off the “mommy voice”?
8. Who has screwed up the whole disciplinary process and paid for it for weeks by openly laughing at the child sneezing milk out his nose?
9. Whose kid can properly order, in the right sequence, his Starbucks request? (kid’s soy steamed milk with whipped cream)
10. Who dreams of carrying a purse that is too small to put a diaper in?
11. Who feels like she’s getting a gift when she gets to go to Walmart ALONE?
12. Whose kids have more and better clothes than I do?
13. Who could make a meal just eating the food that falls off my kids?
14. Who falls in love with my husband every time I see him cuddling one of our boys? (well, hopefully I am the only one who falls in love with MY husband, but you get the point…)
15. Who jokes about ironing my baby clothes?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

BABYSITTING

Do you ever get the feeling that being a mother is like the longest babysitting job you ever had and you’ve just fallen asleep on the couch and the REAL parents are going to walk in any minute and give you your $1.75/hour (yes, I am THAT old)?...

My kids look like their father, they have the same gestures that he does and their carnivorous nature they definitely did not get from me. It’s clear that they are his and I know deep down in the memories of pain that I had a part in bringing them into this world, but some days I honestly wonder how they got here.

Don’t get me wrong - we bonded, we nursed, we laughed, we cried. Or rather, the babies laughed and I cried, but who is this person I’ve become with a new name and a new list (or a list of books with lists) of responsibilities and expectations?

I was never one of those people that always dreamed of having children, imagining what my offspring would look like paired with this guy or that guy. No, my life goal was actually to join a convent – I was looking into the whole Catholic thing when I met my husband to be, and well, you know what they say about the best laid plans…

Needless to say, we married and came to that moment when we had to choose if it was to be us, or a sleepier, poorer us. We are definitely sleepy and poor but happy so I guess we chose wisely.

The kiddlings look at me some days like they’ve figured me out, like they KNOW that I’m not quite cut out for this mothering gig and that maybe, just maybe someone else should really be in charge.

I’ve blinked and pinched myself and dunked my head in cold water and I’m still here and well they’re still here too, so looks like we’re all here to stay. So I should probably get around to admitting to myself that I wasn’t just yo-yo dieting for three years, that smell on my sweater really is spit up and that mommy definitely isn’t the worst name that I’ve been called.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

TODAY I AM MOTHER

Today I am Mother. Actually, this morning I was Rotarian and this evening I will be Wife, but in between, I am Mother. Yesterday I was salesman, secretary, PR Director, Vice President, friend, sister and for a very brief moment while drinking a beautiful latte, I was just Chantelle. But today I am Mother and today is a good day. Today I am also princess (actually I get to be Snow White – you know the scene where the 7 dwarves discover her in their beds and they are all ready to chop her up with their axes and picks, yep, that’s the scene we recreate!) and pirate and recently I am fisherman (I even get to hold the fishing rod every once in a while). I am the big fisherman and the boys are little fishermen and surprise, we catch fish. It’s fun because it’s always exciting to them. Like the 1,000th time it is still exciting! (I’m also excited about the number 1,000 because my 3¾ year old just learned to count to 1,000.)

Some days it is harder and takes more effort to stir up energy, but not today. Today the sun is shining and I can FEEL spring coming. And not just spring, but the hope and the joy and the warmth that it brings. Today my boys are at 75% hugs and 25% hits – it’s a very good day. We usually average about 50/50 so when hugs and helps outnumber hits and pushes, all is good.

Today it is not about me, and sorry, it’s not about you either. It is not even about the house or the to-do lists. Today is about them - it is about the two cheeky monkeys who have turned my living room into a farm, my bedroom into a jumping pillow pile, my kitchen into Rice Krispie central, and the balcony into a fishing boat.

Today is about explaining, while keeping a serious face, why aiming the fishing rod INTO little brother’s face, really actually isn’t a good idea and is also about wishing there was some way I could effectively sneak vegetables into Rice Krispie squares.

By the grace and strength I’ve been given to be Mother for today I am extremely grateful, and so I must complete the work of fishing and feeding and snuggling. What a good day.

Friday, February 19, 2010

PEOPLE'S STARES

Shopping with children can be many things. When the children are boys ages 2 and 3¾ (the ¾ being a VERY important distinction to when he was only JUST 3) it mostly ranges from very painful to semi-painless, and seems to fluctuate in respect to how many snacks I’ve packed. Now, the rare times my husband joins us for a ‘family shopping moment’, he seems to think that the looks the other people are giving him in the store, when our kids are acting up or lying down in the middle of the isle, are ones of love for little children and how cute and adorable they are. He’s probably right. When HE is with the boys. He has that “good guy” look that makes you like him instantly, and the boys look just like him, so something about the daddy and mini-me combination just makes other people “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, isn’t that cute”.

Now when I am at the store with the boys, and they are yelling or running down the isle in front of other people’s carts (this is all hypothetical of course), I believe I get very different looks. Are you ever tempted to pretend to be the babysitter and say really loudly: “If you don’t sit still I’m going to tell your mother what you did.”? Sigh. I would if I could get away with it.

I have a Scottish friend (who happens to have very light coloured hair) who married a man from South Africa, and they have a beautiful daughter who happens to be the spitting imagine of her very dark father. One day when my friend’s daughter was young, she gave a full-fledged screaming, arms-flailing tantrum in the middle of the shopping mall. Now THEN, if I was my Scottish friend, I would be saying to other bystanders “I don’t know where that girl’s mother is, but she needs to come deal with this child” – and then fade away into the background.

The hardest part for me is that when my kids are acting up, for the most part I find them extremely entertaining, especially when they sing loudly (some might call it screaming, actually most people would call it screaming) and make each other laugh – even in public. So, should you come across my two little blondies running and yelling through the store, my apologies, but gosh, that’s just funny stuff.

Monday, February 8, 2010

THE KIDS ARE NAKED AGAIN

They love skin – their skin and my skin – especially the nice easy to grab bit around my waist, sigh.
So we’re at my friend’s house and the kids – my 3.5 year old boy and her 3.5 year old daughter, who is actually 5 weeks older than my kid and the 2 year old. They are playing tea party that soon turned into naked party! I wasn’t quite ready for them to play “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine” but, well, we’re here now so let’s deal with it. Except that it’s just my guy who’s buck naked. And then the story comes out. Little naked’s father told him that no, he could not have more water for their pretend tea party, if you want more water go have a bath. So, the boy did what any rational person would do – check out to see if little Miss Natalie had any good bath toys. Obviously she did so off went the clothes and into the tub he was going too. Oh dear. Well, I think that might be the only time when Natalie’s dad will laugh at my son being naked in his daughter’s bedroom...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Nutrition 101

Nutrition will, I believe, always be a challenge for anyone who feeds a family. My little family has a number of strikes against us.

(1) I am the primary food provider and I don’t like to cook. Bake yes. Cook no. What this means is that my kids eat a great breakfast and a wonderful muffin for snack and the rest is a bit sketchy.
(2) I am a vegetarian. The rest are not. Meat, even when cooked yucks me out. I’m working on this.
(3) The 3 year old is in the very picky stage and the only fruit he will eat is raspberries – not MIXED berries, no no no, only raspberries. Oh ya, and pasta – with ketchup only. The other will eat most of anything. Mostly. But rarely will all 3 (son #1, son #2, dad) eat the same thing on the same night. Sigh.
(4) Did I mention that cooking does nothing for my joy of life? (do I sound winey yet?)

So I went to a seminar for “nutrition” – which was really a plug for Juice+Plus supplements. Good idea. Costly. Not sure if I could even get them to eat that. I’ll check into it - it HAS to be better than gummy bear vitamins…

So, I plan my menu every week now – try to get at least yogurt and raspberries and brown rice down their throats every week and try not to count the number of cinnamon toast sandwiches we’ve had in one day! (Is Mr. Christy a food group???) I’ve done all the tricks – added veggies to pasta sauce, cut up healthy stuff using fun shaped cookie cutters – bribed them with, well, unhealthy food (oops – that one back fired). Anyways, the moral of the story is. We’re not doing so bad and I think I’m just encouraging one of them to pursue a career as a chef, even if it’s just for the survival of family.

They’ll always love my French toast…

Friday, January 15, 2010

OFFICIALLY OLD ENOUGH

It has dawned on me over the last week that I am officially old enough.

Officially old enough to not be considered “young” anymore to anyone.
Officially old enough to write my own autobiography.
And officially old enough to know better.

It hit me when I was driving to an event through some pretty thick fog. Good thing the roads in my community don’t have street lights or road shoulders or even markers where the road drops off 20 feet down the right side. Anyways. I realized that in my years of driving that I had rarely driven through fog. And then came the “hit me” part. I’ve been driving for 20 years.

And then; I’ve been working for 20 years! Apparently my 16th year was very significant for me.

(Please don’t make me do the math for you about how old I am now...)

20 years is a long time.

I am just working through an 8 week “course” from Darren Hardy that is about setting life goals. It starts with taking an account of your life, taking an account of your blessings and values and desires and THEN moves onto goal setting once the foundation has been set.

In the last 20 years I have gotten to know myself, found I don’t know myself at all, driven through snow and ice and nice weather, travelled, married, given birth, nursed my children, opened a new business, gotten to know myself again, cried and laughed with many good deep friends, cried and laughed at myself, set goals, accomplished goals, failed, succeeded, ran, slept and admired beauty. I’ve read a thousand books and have a thousand more I want to read. It’s been a good 20 years. Thank you to my 16 year old self for starting somewhere – even if was only a drive to 7-11. Thank you for getting off your ass and getting it done. Cheers sweety, I love you.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

THE DAY MY SON TURNED 2

I believe that my youngest son can read for the day my second son turned 2 years old, I swear he picked up my parenting book and read that two year olds have tantrums and assert their independence. Overnight he cries over things he never used to care about and gets angry, oh so angry at something that is not attainable or has been given the “no no”.

On the other hand, his mind can see patterns now. Not just the immediate need, but how to get what he wants and even if what he wants is three or four steps away from the step he is on. His face changed overnight and he is coming into his own.

He is my actor – he will say and do anything to get a laugh. And he has an uncanny sense of what is funny. He also has the most priceless pout I have ever seen.
He is strong – physically and mentally. He is quick witted and tenacious.
He is sweet – the face of a cherub and the most beautiful blue eyes, he makes you feel like everything is going to be okay and all is good in the world.
He is adventurous – he climbs, he jumps, he holds nothing back – with everything it is all in – all his being to make it happen – no fear. And he can do it too, great sense of balance and quick learning and strength.
He is my Tristan – the namesake of his grandfathers and my ode to Camelot. My Tristan – a Knight of the round table, the love is Isolde, all depends which novel you read – he is history.
He is a reader – always a book around.

Dearest child, happy birthday – embrace your newfound independence and sense of self and I will let go too and pray all the more as my heart leaps for joy at your smile and leaps into my stomache when you jump off the Christmas tree…