The most difficult thing that I had to get my head around when my son was born, was that I had a new part to my identity. Not one of those blessed people who grew up wanting and preparing for children, I was at quite a loss as to how to act and even how to perceive myself as “mother”. I remember one day my own father telling my then toddler son to go see mom and didn’t even turn to greet him, because in my mind he was going to see mom, you know, MY mom, the only mom. Oops.
Well, now hearing, mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom (you get the idea) has sunk in the idea that these, now two boys, are in fact my children, I am their mom, my own mother has graduated to nana, and this is not in fact the most underpaid babysitting gig of my life.
Every day I learn something new about the part of my identity that is mom. And with joy I have chosen to lay aside a number of other parts of myself to allow the mom part to grow and love and give and learn. I still cling to taking care of my health and my spirit and get up hours earlier than the household to embrace that small time to find peace and healing for my mind, my body, and my soul. In this season in my life where I am called mom more often than Chantelle, I am sowing seeds for what I believe will be a beautiful harvest in another season to come.
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I'LL SEE YOUR "WHY MOMMY?" AND RAISE YOU A "WHAT KIND OF?"
I have been best friends with Michelle since we were 5 years old. She had her first baby just 5 weeks before my first, and has since been my tip-off to what is coming next in my firstborn’s development. As her child is a girl, 5 weeks older, and definitely on the advanced side of things, I usually have some prep time before my eldest shows the same signs.
Michelle is now going through, the “why” stage. Everything is “why mommy” from her little girl. So I have therefore been watching my kid very closely for signs of the “why”. Instead I think I am dealing with something just as amusing (or frustrating). I have entered the “what kind of” zone.
Let me explain:
Me: Look at the digger
Him: What kind of digger?
Me: A yellow digger
Him: What kind of yellow digger?
Me: A big yellow digger
Him: What kind of big yellow digger?
You see where this is going. This is where my husband tries to see how much the boy can remember and continues the adjective game on and on…
I told him the other day that we were going to go somewhere tomorrow – and of course, he asked me “what kind of tomorrow”. How do you not laugh.
Sigh. And sometimes cry a little.
We may still get to “why why why why why why” but until then, “what kind of why?”.
Michelle is now going through, the “why” stage. Everything is “why mommy” from her little girl. So I have therefore been watching my kid very closely for signs of the “why”. Instead I think I am dealing with something just as amusing (or frustrating). I have entered the “what kind of” zone.
Let me explain:
Me: Look at the digger
Him: What kind of digger?
Me: A yellow digger
Him: What kind of yellow digger?
Me: A big yellow digger
Him: What kind of big yellow digger?
You see where this is going. This is where my husband tries to see how much the boy can remember and continues the adjective game on and on…
I told him the other day that we were going to go somewhere tomorrow – and of course, he asked me “what kind of tomorrow”. How do you not laugh.
Sigh. And sometimes cry a little.
We may still get to “why why why why why why” but until then, “what kind of why?”.
60 MINUTES
Things that I did, one lonely woman can in only 1 hour when I was left alone in my own home without children or husband to get ready for an event…
1. Took out the garbage and finished my chores
2. Got my clothes and items ready for tomorrow’s work day
3. Laid my phone/alarm clock out on the bedroom end table without fear that it would snatched and hid in some toy box before being allowed to complete its mission
4. Listened to the Sex and the City soundtrack without ridicule
5. Danced and sang out loud, once again, without ridicule
6. Relaxed and watched TV with the volume really really loud (once again and once again without ridicule – I have been chastised for wanting the volume too loud as apparently I’m going a little bit deaf) AND watched any channel other than TreeHouse
7. Had a shower without peekers
8. Shaved my legs without questions about what I am doing and why…
9. Laid my clothes out on the bed without fear of them getting a nice big ketchupy hug
10. Left the baby gate open
11. Actually got ready for the event, without help or questions, or changing twice because I got kissed with a face full of ketchup
12. Left my drink out on the counter within reach of, well, nobody now!
13. Ate some chocolate without sharing
14. Wrote this article
15. Realized, or rather remembered that, when given the chance, I am an extremely efficient person capable of accomplishing many excellent things in a short period of time
Thank you to my parents for taking the children and giving me the most fun hour I’ve had in a long time!
1. Took out the garbage and finished my chores
2. Got my clothes and items ready for tomorrow’s work day
3. Laid my phone/alarm clock out on the bedroom end table without fear that it would snatched and hid in some toy box before being allowed to complete its mission
4. Listened to the Sex and the City soundtrack without ridicule
5. Danced and sang out loud, once again, without ridicule
6. Relaxed and watched TV with the volume really really loud (once again and once again without ridicule – I have been chastised for wanting the volume too loud as apparently I’m going a little bit deaf) AND watched any channel other than TreeHouse
7. Had a shower without peekers
8. Shaved my legs without questions about what I am doing and why…
9. Laid my clothes out on the bed without fear of them getting a nice big ketchupy hug
10. Left the baby gate open
11. Actually got ready for the event, without help or questions, or changing twice because I got kissed with a face full of ketchup
12. Left my drink out on the counter within reach of, well, nobody now!
13. Ate some chocolate without sharing
14. Wrote this article
15. Realized, or rather remembered that, when given the chance, I am an extremely efficient person capable of accomplishing many excellent things in a short period of time
Thank you to my parents for taking the children and giving me the most fun hour I’ve had in a long time!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
AM I THE ONLY ONE...?
1. Who has 5 items on my grocery list before I’ve finished unpacking my groceries from my current trip?
2. Who wonders where my boobs went?
3. Who irons my baby clothes?
4. Whose young ones take every opportunity to stick their hands down my shirt?
5. Who can bench press 200 lbs with one arm but has tendonitis in the other?
6. Who has called one of the kids by the dog’s name?
7. Who has a hard time switching off the “mommy voice”?
8. Who has screwed up the whole disciplinary process and paid for it for weeks by openly laughing at your kid sneezing milk out his nose?
9. Whose kid can properly order, in the right sequence, his Starbucks request? (kid’s lemonade with ice)
10. Who dreams of carrying a purse that is too small to carry a diaper in it?
11. Who feels like she’s getting a gift when she gets to go to Walmart ALONE?
12. Whose kids have more and better clothes than I do?
13. Who could make a meal just eating the food that falls off my kids
14. Who falls in love with my husband every time I see him cuddling one of our kids
15. Who jokes about ironing my baby clothes?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
5 ESSENTIAL RULES
Most days there are only five fundamental rules that I have in my household (and most of them I’ve even communicated to my family)…
Rule number one – only one child is allowed to bleed and then only once a day. If more than one child bleeds, the second bleeder forfeits his next turn to bleed and bleeder number one is back in line to be the next injured. Should one child DARE to bleed twice in one day, he is forced to endure extra cuddling and coddling. If it’s serious enough, I might just cry.
Rule number two – mommy does not need anything before her children, except a cup (or 6) of Green Tea. There are no exceptions, even the breaking of rule number one. Mommy will do her best to ensure rule number two is set in place before anyone else is up and awake; however, there are no real conditions to this rule. Bonus points are awarded should a family member purchase a Venti China Green Tips Tea Misto and bring it to her.
Rule number three – all toys that spill out of the designated toy room area must be returned to their home before anyone gets to sleep. Should toys remain outside the designated toy room over night – the sweeping monster will eat them.
Rule number four – I can’t remember
Rule number five – family comes first. Also known as us against them. They are brothers, and brothers are forever. They will also eventually find out that we, as parents, especially me as mommy, have no idea what I’m doing and will institute a coup, or coalition, depending on which country you live in. We must remain person and person, friend and friend and husband and wife, and then will remain a strong and united mommy and daddy.
Rule number one – only one child is allowed to bleed and then only once a day. If more than one child bleeds, the second bleeder forfeits his next turn to bleed and bleeder number one is back in line to be the next injured. Should one child DARE to bleed twice in one day, he is forced to endure extra cuddling and coddling. If it’s serious enough, I might just cry.
Rule number two – mommy does not need anything before her children, except a cup (or 6) of Green Tea. There are no exceptions, even the breaking of rule number one. Mommy will do her best to ensure rule number two is set in place before anyone else is up and awake; however, there are no real conditions to this rule. Bonus points are awarded should a family member purchase a Venti China Green Tips Tea Misto and bring it to her.
Rule number three – all toys that spill out of the designated toy room area must be returned to their home before anyone gets to sleep. Should toys remain outside the designated toy room over night – the sweeping monster will eat them.
Rule number four – I can’t remember
Rule number five – family comes first. Also known as us against them. They are brothers, and brothers are forever. They will also eventually find out that we, as parents, especially me as mommy, have no idea what I’m doing and will institute a coup, or coalition, depending on which country you live in. We must remain person and person, friend and friend and husband and wife, and then will remain a strong and united mommy and daddy.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
LAUNDRY
It just took me 45 minutes to fold and put away one load of laundry. I get it now, I understand.
I never judged but was always curious at those mothers whose grown children didn’t do any chores around the house – how could this happen? I wondered.
It happens when you have two toddlers and all you want to do is just get the laundry done. I actually enjoy doing laundry – there is something satisfying in drawers full of clean clothes and a closet full of nice clean hanging shirts. Normally I finish laundry in the evenings when daddy distracts the offspring or during Mighty Machines.
Today; however, it went like this. Put laundry from mommy’s basket into the toy room basket. Then dump the laundry out, then play on it, then pile toys on it, then use mommy’s underwear as a sling shot (how DO you explain thongs to a 3 year old anyways…), then the digger has to help. Yes, the digger, thank you Aunty and Uncle for the biggest ride-on digger that now is essential to every part of our lives, sigh. So helpful they will one day hopefully be.
Then we have to clean up the toys that have made their way into the bedrooms because of course, I am a toy magnet and toys follow me everywhere I go – I like to think of them as treasures, laid at the feet of the goddess in recognition of her divine beauty and power…
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways.
Once the laundry is actually put away, and the toys shoved back towards the toy room, then the relocation of clothes happens, as the 3 year old had to help put the clothes away. Once I find them in the vacuum closet (that would be my nice black skirt), things are righted and all is good.
In the end the laundry did get finished, I’m sure I’ll find that missing pair of underwear in a toy box one day, the boy is so pleased that he helped. But we are getting closer you know, we’ve graduated from extremely unhelpful to not totally in the way…
I never judged but was always curious at those mothers whose grown children didn’t do any chores around the house – how could this happen? I wondered.
It happens when you have two toddlers and all you want to do is just get the laundry done. I actually enjoy doing laundry – there is something satisfying in drawers full of clean clothes and a closet full of nice clean hanging shirts. Normally I finish laundry in the evenings when daddy distracts the offspring or during Mighty Machines.
Today; however, it went like this. Put laundry from mommy’s basket into the toy room basket. Then dump the laundry out, then play on it, then pile toys on it, then use mommy’s underwear as a sling shot (how DO you explain thongs to a 3 year old anyways…), then the digger has to help. Yes, the digger, thank you Aunty and Uncle for the biggest ride-on digger that now is essential to every part of our lives, sigh. So helpful they will one day hopefully be.
Then we have to clean up the toys that have made their way into the bedrooms because of course, I am a toy magnet and toys follow me everywhere I go – I like to think of them as treasures, laid at the feet of the goddess in recognition of her divine beauty and power…
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways.
Once the laundry is actually put away, and the toys shoved back towards the toy room, then the relocation of clothes happens, as the 3 year old had to help put the clothes away. Once I find them in the vacuum closet (that would be my nice black skirt), things are righted and all is good.
In the end the laundry did get finished, I’m sure I’ll find that missing pair of underwear in a toy box one day, the boy is so pleased that he helped. But we are getting closer you know, we’ve graduated from extremely unhelpful to not totally in the way…
LIFE CHANGES
My son broke a plate the other day forcing me to sweep in the deep dark corners of my kitchen. It got me thinking how very very different things are now with children, not just my life, but my attitude and, what was very obvious – my new level of tolerance for cleanliness, or lack thereof.
Having children is, in my opinion, one of three things in life that changes your soul – your core values, how you view life, yourself and others. It’s amazing how having a small child can affect every part of your life.
I gave up coffee when I was trying to get pregnant and then, the worst came, I had to give up all coffee related establishments when I actually did become pregnant – the smell, oh the nausea. I remember that that was how I first knew I really was pregnant; we were in Whistler and I was walking around the village and went into the fudge shop to get myself a little holiday treat, took one step in, turned around and just about lost my lunch and beyond. Everything smelt stronger, and shoddier.
I gave up questionable herbal teas, hot tubs, alcohol and looking at my feet. My house is now the last thing on my to-do list and napping is the first. The other day I actually sat, just sat and held my youngest son while he slept amidst a room full of toys and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. THIS has been the biggest change and a surprisingly easy adjustment. Normally an extremely neat and tidy person, my house resembles controlled chaos and I like to think that I’ve become a little bit more relaxed.
Growing up, I would always do my chores first and play after. My older sister, would read first and well, actually, she would read later too, because I had become frustrated that she hadn’t done her chores, which needed to be done in order for me to finish mine, that I most times ended up doing her tasks too. Anyways, my point would be that priorities have shifted from upkeeping a prestine home, to trying to keep up enough that feet don’t completely stick to the floor. Fun comes first and chores are mixed within those. We clean, but we sing while we clean.
From the way I eat, to the way I talk (sometimes “mommy” voice doesn’t turn off as easily as it should), to the choices I make, the stretch marks are not the markers of my mommyness, my fundamental nature has changed and I am a messier person for it.
Having children is, in my opinion, one of three things in life that changes your soul – your core values, how you view life, yourself and others. It’s amazing how having a small child can affect every part of your life.
I gave up coffee when I was trying to get pregnant and then, the worst came, I had to give up all coffee related establishments when I actually did become pregnant – the smell, oh the nausea. I remember that that was how I first knew I really was pregnant; we were in Whistler and I was walking around the village and went into the fudge shop to get myself a little holiday treat, took one step in, turned around and just about lost my lunch and beyond. Everything smelt stronger, and shoddier.
I gave up questionable herbal teas, hot tubs, alcohol and looking at my feet. My house is now the last thing on my to-do list and napping is the first. The other day I actually sat, just sat and held my youngest son while he slept amidst a room full of toys and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. THIS has been the biggest change and a surprisingly easy adjustment. Normally an extremely neat and tidy person, my house resembles controlled chaos and I like to think that I’ve become a little bit more relaxed.
Growing up, I would always do my chores first and play after. My older sister, would read first and well, actually, she would read later too, because I had become frustrated that she hadn’t done her chores, which needed to be done in order for me to finish mine, that I most times ended up doing her tasks too. Anyways, my point would be that priorities have shifted from upkeeping a prestine home, to trying to keep up enough that feet don’t completely stick to the floor. Fun comes first and chores are mixed within those. We clean, but we sing while we clean.
From the way I eat, to the way I talk (sometimes “mommy” voice doesn’t turn off as easily as it should), to the choices I make, the stretch marks are not the markers of my mommyness, my fundamental nature has changed and I am a messier person for it.
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